I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.
_______________________________
Dear Mr. Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6 You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely, The Management ~ Arachne ~ 5/27/07 @ 2:30 PM EST
NOTE: I did not write this.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Can Anyone Relate to This?
Can Anyone Relate to This?
Remember I told you that the body is electrically charged and I questioned death? It seems odd that an electrical energy would just cease. Specifically our electrical energy when our organic matter ceases to exist.
I don't think that my hypothesis is nuts.
Thinking about something does not make it so, but making it so comes from thinking about something. ~ Maggie
NOTE: brain wave
NOUN: A rhythmic fluctuation of electric potential between parts of the brain, as seen on an electroencephalogram.
Check this out:
Quantum Theory:
For nearly one hundred years the idea that light is a wave went essentially unchallenged. This changed in 1900 with Max Planck's studies of the absorption of light by black bodies, that is, objects that do not reflect back any frequency of light. As Planck ran his experiments, he observed that the temperature of a back body is raised and lowered, it emits radiation at various frequencies. He expected the radiation to flow continuously, as one would expect from a wave, but it did not. Instead, it came in discrete batches that behaved like particles. He called these batches "quanta." Einstein, a contemporary of Planck, was intrigued by his discovery, and went on to show mathematically that light is absorbed, as well as radiated, in batches of quanta. Thus, "quantum theory" was born.
Due to Young's earlier experiments, most physicists of Planck's day thought of light as wave. Thinking of light as a particle was more difficult. Although many scientists were uncomfortable with the idea that light could be both a particle and a wave, the idea struck and eventually light "particles" came to be called "photons." If light can act as a particle, would something we expect to act like a particle act like a wave?
Particles:
In Newton's time, the smallest bits of matter know were atoms. Since then, scientists have discovered that atoms are composed of even smaller bits, such as the electron, proton, and neutron. These subatomic bits have classically been viewed as particles, similar to marbles or billiard balls. If we were to substitute electrons for light in Young's experiment, what would happen? If electrons really are particles, the overlapping areas of the third screen will be more heavily hit. When the two-slit experiment was conducted using electrons, however, the electrons created the same sort of interference pattern of light. This remained true even when the electrons were fired one at a time so that they could not interact with each other. Scientists were so confounded by this development that they decided the single electron must be breaking in two, going through both slits at once, and then interfering with itself. To decide this question, a measuring device was put at each slit. As the electrons were fired one at a time, they went through only one slit or the other, just as we would expect form particles. So what happened? The interference pattern on the third screen then ceased to exist! The electrons stopped acting like waves altogether when they were measured. Scientists were left with the conclusion that when we look directly at an electron, it acts like a particle, but when we don't, it acts like a wave.
This paradox was summarized by the scientist Niels Bohr in 1927 in what became known as the "Copenhagen interpretation," now accepted by a majority of physicists around the world. Bohr stated that at the quantum level a particle has no properties unless it is being observed and measured. Particles of matter exist only as potentialities that become fixed, or develop into particles, when they come into contact with a measuring device. The scientist Werner Heisenberg postulated that beneath physical reality is a deeper level filled with what he calls "potentia." At this level, matter does not exist, but only has tendencies to exist, and all possible events–even contradictory ones – reside together in potential. The act of measurement causes one of the potential states to come into being.
Wave Function:
In the early 1900's, a scientist named Louis de Broglie went beyond the issue of the characteristics of light and proposed that all matter has a wave-like characteristic. These wavelike properties can be described as a wave field or wave function. The wave function is not something you can see, nor does it exist in three dimensional space, but its effects can be observed. Every particle of matter has its own wave function, which can be visualized as a "smear," or a representation of all the paths it may take. The scientist Richard Feynman theorized that the potential particle takes all possible paths as its wave moves from point A to point B, so that when the wave reaches point B, it contains information from every path it could have taken to get there. When the particle is observed, however, its wave function collapses and only one path becomes actualized.
Why does one probability get chosen for the particle rather than another? Who or what makes these choices, and at what level are these choices made? Many of the scientists who study the nature of reality theorize that levels of reality exist underneath or parallel to this one and are where these choices are made. If such levels exist, how are they connected, and how is information passed between them?
Bell's Theorem and Non-locality:
In 1964, the scientist John Steward Bell proposed in what is known as Bell's theorem that after two particles meet, they continue to influence each other. The influence is not caused by nuclear forces, gravity, or electromagnetism, but exists because each particle leave a part of itself with the other, thus allowing them to communicate instantaneously. What do they leave? Not a piece of matter, but a piece of information. Particles are less like balls of stuff and more like information packets. Instantaneous communication is theoretically not possible in a universe limited by the speed of light, so Bell proposed that his connection between particles occurs outside of the space-time. His theory was later proven by laboratory experiment, and instantaneous communication between particles, also called "non-locality," became a provable fact.
Already we have moved quite a distance from Newton. Instead of an empty three-dimensional spaced filled with billiard-ball-like pieces of matter, quantum physics portrays a universe that acts as a seamless whole, where each part communicates instantaneously with every other part, and is filled with waves of information that arise from levels outside of space-time. In a Newtonian world, the whole is the sum of the parts. In a quantum world, the whole oversees, and perhaps even creates, the parts. ~ May 25, 2007 @ 5:00 p.m.
This was my original post:
Impassioned
If you want to view me as nuts, be my guest!
Behind any good artist, poet, philosopher, inventor, musician, scientist, or visionary is passion. It is a fuel by which the imagination captures the surroundings and makes something of it. Perhaps the imagination tries to make sense or nonsense of that which not understood or is understood too well.
Drive (from fuel) can come in many forms. It can come from simple things such as looking at the clouds and seeing faces or diagrams and questioning it. Everything has a purpose and in an inquisitive mind maybe answers can be found amongst the various other questions that spring forth.
Being a visual person, imagine if you will an actual tree, family tree, or database linkage system. You start with one as the initial focal point. Example: YOU. What will happen next is you have two that you stem from and they have two and so on and so on and so on. Exploration is the same thing. You start with one factor and if the passion drives you, you will explore in detail that which you want to know. Example: Life.
When doing this, explore Newton's theory of relativity, use laws of economics, and Socratic method. You will discover that everything is intertwined and related and that everything needs contrast. You will find that even with an answer, there is a question or an opposite and that all things are possible. Note that your time is 100 percent and that if you focus in any specific area (tunnel vision), your other areas will suffer. Thus, in order to maintain balance, scatter your thoughts about. See how patterns form from things that may not seem obvious.
Creation Alpha Omega Alpha (zeros, circles, and eights):
It begins with a thought and is brought about by a process. Who is to say that we are not our own gods? We are like the earth and our components are approximately the same. Our matter is organic, but we are charged electrically. When one experiences heart stoppage, the use of shock brings us back to life. (Explore Mary Shelley and Frankenstein.) Brain waves are now used to determine death rather than heart stoppage. The brain is also electrically charged and uses neurotransmitters to make the body function. Example: Autonomic and Somatic functions. If one were to die, reflexes that would normally occur via a somatic function can be had via electric current to create animation of the human body. If one could jar an electric current where would it go upon release? I ask this question as I question death. Could it be said that our CURRENT leaves this plain for another? ~ Maggie ~ May 23, 2007 @ 1:07 p.m.
Remember I told you that the body is electrically charged and I questioned death? It seems odd that an electrical energy would just cease. Specifically our electrical energy when our organic matter ceases to exist.
I don't think that my hypothesis is nuts.
Thinking about something does not make it so, but making it so comes from thinking about something. ~ Maggie
NOTE: brain wave
NOUN: A rhythmic fluctuation of electric potential between parts of the brain, as seen on an electroencephalogram.
Check this out:
Quantum Theory:
For nearly one hundred years the idea that light is a wave went essentially unchallenged. This changed in 1900 with Max Planck's studies of the absorption of light by black bodies, that is, objects that do not reflect back any frequency of light. As Planck ran his experiments, he observed that the temperature of a back body is raised and lowered, it emits radiation at various frequencies. He expected the radiation to flow continuously, as one would expect from a wave, but it did not. Instead, it came in discrete batches that behaved like particles. He called these batches "quanta." Einstein, a contemporary of Planck, was intrigued by his discovery, and went on to show mathematically that light is absorbed, as well as radiated, in batches of quanta. Thus, "quantum theory" was born.
Due to Young's earlier experiments, most physicists of Planck's day thought of light as wave. Thinking of light as a particle was more difficult. Although many scientists were uncomfortable with the idea that light could be both a particle and a wave, the idea struck and eventually light "particles" came to be called "photons." If light can act as a particle, would something we expect to act like a particle act like a wave?
Particles:
In Newton's time, the smallest bits of matter know were atoms. Since then, scientists have discovered that atoms are composed of even smaller bits, such as the electron, proton, and neutron. These subatomic bits have classically been viewed as particles, similar to marbles or billiard balls. If we were to substitute electrons for light in Young's experiment, what would happen? If electrons really are particles, the overlapping areas of the third screen will be more heavily hit. When the two-slit experiment was conducted using electrons, however, the electrons created the same sort of interference pattern of light. This remained true even when the electrons were fired one at a time so that they could not interact with each other. Scientists were so confounded by this development that they decided the single electron must be breaking in two, going through both slits at once, and then interfering with itself. To decide this question, a measuring device was put at each slit. As the electrons were fired one at a time, they went through only one slit or the other, just as we would expect form particles. So what happened? The interference pattern on the third screen then ceased to exist! The electrons stopped acting like waves altogether when they were measured. Scientists were left with the conclusion that when we look directly at an electron, it acts like a particle, but when we don't, it acts like a wave.
This paradox was summarized by the scientist Niels Bohr in 1927 in what became known as the "Copenhagen interpretation," now accepted by a majority of physicists around the world. Bohr stated that at the quantum level a particle has no properties unless it is being observed and measured. Particles of matter exist only as potentialities that become fixed, or develop into particles, when they come into contact with a measuring device. The scientist Werner Heisenberg postulated that beneath physical reality is a deeper level filled with what he calls "potentia." At this level, matter does not exist, but only has tendencies to exist, and all possible events–even contradictory ones – reside together in potential. The act of measurement causes one of the potential states to come into being.
Wave Function:
In the early 1900's, a scientist named Louis de Broglie went beyond the issue of the characteristics of light and proposed that all matter has a wave-like characteristic. These wavelike properties can be described as a wave field or wave function. The wave function is not something you can see, nor does it exist in three dimensional space, but its effects can be observed. Every particle of matter has its own wave function, which can be visualized as a "smear," or a representation of all the paths it may take. The scientist Richard Feynman theorized that the potential particle takes all possible paths as its wave moves from point A to point B, so that when the wave reaches point B, it contains information from every path it could have taken to get there. When the particle is observed, however, its wave function collapses and only one path becomes actualized.
Why does one probability get chosen for the particle rather than another? Who or what makes these choices, and at what level are these choices made? Many of the scientists who study the nature of reality theorize that levels of reality exist underneath or parallel to this one and are where these choices are made. If such levels exist, how are they connected, and how is information passed between them?
Bell's Theorem and Non-locality:
In 1964, the scientist John Steward Bell proposed in what is known as Bell's theorem that after two particles meet, they continue to influence each other. The influence is not caused by nuclear forces, gravity, or electromagnetism, but exists because each particle leave a part of itself with the other, thus allowing them to communicate instantaneously. What do they leave? Not a piece of matter, but a piece of information. Particles are less like balls of stuff and more like information packets. Instantaneous communication is theoretically not possible in a universe limited by the speed of light, so Bell proposed that his connection between particles occurs outside of the space-time. His theory was later proven by laboratory experiment, and instantaneous communication between particles, also called "non-locality," became a provable fact.
Already we have moved quite a distance from Newton. Instead of an empty three-dimensional spaced filled with billiard-ball-like pieces of matter, quantum physics portrays a universe that acts as a seamless whole, where each part communicates instantaneously with every other part, and is filled with waves of information that arise from levels outside of space-time. In a Newtonian world, the whole is the sum of the parts. In a quantum world, the whole oversees, and perhaps even creates, the parts. ~ May 25, 2007 @ 5:00 p.m.
This was my original post:
Impassioned
If you want to view me as nuts, be my guest!
Behind any good artist, poet, philosopher, inventor, musician, scientist, or visionary is passion. It is a fuel by which the imagination captures the surroundings and makes something of it. Perhaps the imagination tries to make sense or nonsense of that which not understood or is understood too well.
Drive (from fuel) can come in many forms. It can come from simple things such as looking at the clouds and seeing faces or diagrams and questioning it. Everything has a purpose and in an inquisitive mind maybe answers can be found amongst the various other questions that spring forth.
Being a visual person, imagine if you will an actual tree, family tree, or database linkage system. You start with one as the initial focal point. Example: YOU. What will happen next is you have two that you stem from and they have two and so on and so on and so on. Exploration is the same thing. You start with one factor and if the passion drives you, you will explore in detail that which you want to know. Example: Life.
When doing this, explore Newton's theory of relativity, use laws of economics, and Socratic method. You will discover that everything is intertwined and related and that everything needs contrast. You will find that even with an answer, there is a question or an opposite and that all things are possible. Note that your time is 100 percent and that if you focus in any specific area (tunnel vision), your other areas will suffer. Thus, in order to maintain balance, scatter your thoughts about. See how patterns form from things that may not seem obvious.
Creation Alpha Omega Alpha (zeros, circles, and eights):
It begins with a thought and is brought about by a process. Who is to say that we are not our own gods? We are like the earth and our components are approximately the same. Our matter is organic, but we are charged electrically. When one experiences heart stoppage, the use of shock brings us back to life. (Explore Mary Shelley and Frankenstein.) Brain waves are now used to determine death rather than heart stoppage. The brain is also electrically charged and uses neurotransmitters to make the body function. Example: Autonomic and Somatic functions. If one were to die, reflexes that would normally occur via a somatic function can be had via electric current to create animation of the human body. If one could jar an electric current where would it go upon release? I ask this question as I question death. Could it be said that our CURRENT leaves this plain for another? ~ Maggie ~ May 23, 2007 @ 1:07 p.m.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Is science in fact magick?
Fact or fiction?
Myth or legend?
Science or occult?
Some discoveries were thought of by madmen! Some where just plain old heretics.
Yesterday's fiction or dreams are today's reality.
What inventions, gizmos, gadgets or stories go through your mind that you have not seen developed into reality yet?
What can you engineer?
Where shall we go from here?
How about backwards?
The ancients have taken some of their secrets with them and unfortunately our wonderful new technology cannot replicate their works. How did they do it? Where questions lie, so too do answers. Explore!
A little note: Today's warfare is based on ancient tactics and ancient weapons. The ancients did possess hand grenades and an equivalent of napalm. Do you think Kevlar is new? You better check it out. What about pyramids and alchemy? Leonardo saw the flying machine long before Orville and Wilbur. Shelley saw electricity bring man to life and she wrote a story about it. Dig a little and get dirty. Aw come on...you can do it. As I said before, if you can think it, you can do it. LOL ~ Maggie ~ May 2, 2007 @ 5:17 p.m.
Listening to Wendy O. and the Plasmatics ~ Prisoners of the Damned
Myth or legend?
Science or occult?
Some discoveries were thought of by madmen! Some where just plain old heretics.
Yesterday's fiction or dreams are today's reality.
What inventions, gizmos, gadgets or stories go through your mind that you have not seen developed into reality yet?
What can you engineer?
Where shall we go from here?
How about backwards?
The ancients have taken some of their secrets with them and unfortunately our wonderful new technology cannot replicate their works. How did they do it? Where questions lie, so too do answers. Explore!
A little note: Today's warfare is based on ancient tactics and ancient weapons. The ancients did possess hand grenades and an equivalent of napalm. Do you think Kevlar is new? You better check it out. What about pyramids and alchemy? Leonardo saw the flying machine long before Orville and Wilbur. Shelley saw electricity bring man to life and she wrote a story about it. Dig a little and get dirty. Aw come on...you can do it. As I said before, if you can think it, you can do it. LOL ~ Maggie ~ May 2, 2007 @ 5:17 p.m.
Listening to Wendy O. and the Plasmatics ~ Prisoners of the Damned
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Feelings of Love
Memory serves as a reminder of how close a person can be even though they are so far. The brain captures much more than film and each replay is more beautiful than the last. Every facial and body gesture, every touch, every sharing and giving moment are warmly kept and bring smiles when least expected. The great part of memory is that it is always turned on and even in moments where the mind is occupied by other things because visions manage to come forth in the mind's eye. Miles can separate two bodies, but hearts and minds can bring them together.
After spending almost two days crying, I realize that there is reason to smile. Time played a trick on me and made me forget the flip side of love and that flip side is hurt. The hurt is not one of a broken heart or ill feelings: it is a good hurt of missing and longing. Therefore it is a driving force. A force that will hopefully reunite us. It warms my heart that he is out there and thinking of me as well.
My Prince climbs the highest mountains and walks the longest trails. He captures wild things and is gentle with them and returns them to their natural habitat. His touch is gentle yet strong. His kisses are passionate and sweet and his body is warm and loving. His eyes sparkle like magick stones and his hands are large and cover mine. When placed on my hips, I feel like he has all of me.
The greatest part of my Prince is that he is ALL THAT! He is not a pretender and is more REAL than anyone that I have ever met. The childlike qualities that I thought he had were surpassed in reality and he was able to capture my child as well. We played well together and without any friction. There was a humorous thing about pizza and because of my lack of cooperation, I missed out on his favorite pizza in Vancouver. From now on he has my total cooperation as he has not steered me wrong. Even grass juice was good! Yup, it tasted like fresh cut lawn. Without him, I would not have done much of what he had me experience. He gave me bigger balls than I already had. So what that I fell on my face and ass while I was with him. There can be joy in black and blue.
Adventure and exploration = experiencing, learning, loving, laughing, sharing, caring, smiling and crying. Yeah, I am owned.
I feel his bite on my neck and the sensations that it brings. The slight touch on the small of my back that winds me up. The gentle touch or nibble on my ear.
There are so many things that I can say about my Prince, however, words alone can never truly express everything I feel, think, and know about him.
Today brings doofy smiles and tears. The smiles are brought about from thinking about him and the tears are brought about from wanting him. Okay, so I am a wha wha baby. Am I a Barbie or Pink because I am romantic at heart? Hell NO! As mushy as I can be, I can also be a hard ass. However, I would never be a hard ass with him. He did see my hard ass side with others and he laughed. I did not need the disguise of makeup or done up hair. My nails are now tattered and my body is black and blue from my boyish adventures in pants, boots, and a hat sporting the drowned rat look and yet I felt beautiful.
I guess it is who you are with that can make you feel great about being alive. He made me feel alive and aware. He educated me in beauty of the natural kind...his kind and he is kind. I don't know if a fairer Prince can exist. It is highly doubted that anyone can even stand in his shadow.
Another great thing is that he let me be me yet encouraged me to overcome my fears. He did not treat me like a Barbie at all as he left me to strive for myself which was beneficial to me as he gave me strength. Nope, I was not babied and that was sooooo cool! That is equality! Shit man, he is the best.
Sure I would feel bad if he never wanted to see me again, but I would have to look at all the great things we experienced and shared and say it was beautiful and unforgettable nonetheless. There are no regrets as I am glowing!
Comfort is leaving the bathroom door open. Comfort is telling how something feels in detail. Comfort is sharing a mirror, cig, or some food. Comfort is falling asleep in someone's arms and waking the same way. Comfort is falling on your face and ass and not being embarrassed. Comfort is knowing we can be ourselves without criticism or argument. Comfort is acceptance.
Love is smiling and crying. Love is daydreams of beautiful things that money can't buy. Love is time spent by two. Love is holding hands in the rain. Love is touching his face and studying it. Love is Nathan my darling Prince.
I can't stop thinking about him and I am glad that I absorbed him. It seems that I am lost in my own thoughts. My mind spins backwards to him.
A man/boy and a woman/girl ~ A romance in the garden of Eden and the most beautiful falls. Our place is in the forest with the pixies, fairies, elves, dwarves, gnomes, wood sprites, and other magickal creatures.
Faith in someone is hard to come across and yet I trust him with my life. As his eyes closed behind the wheel, I did not panic or get angry. Regardless of the surroundings that could have led us to the grave, I had faith in him. As his copilot, I talked to him and helped to keep him alert, but I never feared that we would crash. Even if we had crashed and a marker of two crosses were put up for us (there were many death site markers along the way), I think that we would have died happy.
Touching his head felt like the softest velvet and I kept petting him. I studied his features with all my might so that in his absence, he would still be seen as three dimensional. Sure I have pictures of him, however, they are only two dimensional. I need to be able to see him and feel him even while we are apart and I have done a good job at drinking him up.
Creamy white delicious and soft as the finest silk is the tone of his skin. His features are like carved alabaster: beautifully formed and perfect. His eyes are most beautiful and reflect the sky. His chest is chiseled and manly, yet his actions are wonderfully boyish. The little tom girl in me loves him to death, but he needs to teach me balance so that I too may walk on fallen trees that lie across the stream in the forest. His balance is so amazing.
Can this all be a dream? If it is, I don't want to wake up. My head and heart are elevated to a higher stratosphere of beauty and appreciation. I slumber while awake in pillows of fantasy that are puffed high in the clouds upon a mountain top. I can kiss the sky, but I prefer to kiss him.
If I am mad as a hatter, then let me be and let my insanity reign supreme.
Oh glorious man god of supreme proportions
Grant me audience
This poor lowly servant girl
That I may look upon you and glorify you
You who walks on water
You who fears not
You who instills courage where there was fear
I pay homage to your graciousness
Thank you for kissing my tears
Delusional? No. Obsessed? No. Conscious and conscientious? Yes. I acknowledge all that I feel and it is like a high wire balancing act. The pain of separation and the joy of memory and/or reunion. I can't say that I would want to feel any other way.
A thought ignites sightings of wonderment
Childish and childlike aspirations bring lightness of heart
And rounds of flying as high as a kite
Only a small gust of wind is needed to take flight
The wings of an eagle are mighty
Yet so too are the wings of imagination
Extended and flexible
Each memory is like a feather
Bind the feathers and wings create flight
Zipping and soaring high above the tallest trees
Extraordinary and delectable are the trappings ~ Arachne ~ Penned prior to 3:00 p.m. on May 1, 2007
After spending almost two days crying, I realize that there is reason to smile. Time played a trick on me and made me forget the flip side of love and that flip side is hurt. The hurt is not one of a broken heart or ill feelings: it is a good hurt of missing and longing. Therefore it is a driving force. A force that will hopefully reunite us. It warms my heart that he is out there and thinking of me as well.
My Prince climbs the highest mountains and walks the longest trails. He captures wild things and is gentle with them and returns them to their natural habitat. His touch is gentle yet strong. His kisses are passionate and sweet and his body is warm and loving. His eyes sparkle like magick stones and his hands are large and cover mine. When placed on my hips, I feel like he has all of me.
The greatest part of my Prince is that he is ALL THAT! He is not a pretender and is more REAL than anyone that I have ever met. The childlike qualities that I thought he had were surpassed in reality and he was able to capture my child as well. We played well together and without any friction. There was a humorous thing about pizza and because of my lack of cooperation, I missed out on his favorite pizza in Vancouver. From now on he has my total cooperation as he has not steered me wrong. Even grass juice was good! Yup, it tasted like fresh cut lawn. Without him, I would not have done much of what he had me experience. He gave me bigger balls than I already had. So what that I fell on my face and ass while I was with him. There can be joy in black and blue.
Adventure and exploration = experiencing, learning, loving, laughing, sharing, caring, smiling and crying. Yeah, I am owned.
I feel his bite on my neck and the sensations that it brings. The slight touch on the small of my back that winds me up. The gentle touch or nibble on my ear.
There are so many things that I can say about my Prince, however, words alone can never truly express everything I feel, think, and know about him.
Today brings doofy smiles and tears. The smiles are brought about from thinking about him and the tears are brought about from wanting him. Okay, so I am a wha wha baby. Am I a Barbie or Pink because I am romantic at heart? Hell NO! As mushy as I can be, I can also be a hard ass. However, I would never be a hard ass with him. He did see my hard ass side with others and he laughed. I did not need the disguise of makeup or done up hair. My nails are now tattered and my body is black and blue from my boyish adventures in pants, boots, and a hat sporting the drowned rat look and yet I felt beautiful.
I guess it is who you are with that can make you feel great about being alive. He made me feel alive and aware. He educated me in beauty of the natural kind...his kind and he is kind. I don't know if a fairer Prince can exist. It is highly doubted that anyone can even stand in his shadow.
Another great thing is that he let me be me yet encouraged me to overcome my fears. He did not treat me like a Barbie at all as he left me to strive for myself which was beneficial to me as he gave me strength. Nope, I was not babied and that was sooooo cool! That is equality! Shit man, he is the best.
Sure I would feel bad if he never wanted to see me again, but I would have to look at all the great things we experienced and shared and say it was beautiful and unforgettable nonetheless. There are no regrets as I am glowing!
Comfort is leaving the bathroom door open. Comfort is telling how something feels in detail. Comfort is sharing a mirror, cig, or some food. Comfort is falling asleep in someone's arms and waking the same way. Comfort is falling on your face and ass and not being embarrassed. Comfort is knowing we can be ourselves without criticism or argument. Comfort is acceptance.
Love is smiling and crying. Love is daydreams of beautiful things that money can't buy. Love is time spent by two. Love is holding hands in the rain. Love is touching his face and studying it. Love is Nathan my darling Prince.
I can't stop thinking about him and I am glad that I absorbed him. It seems that I am lost in my own thoughts. My mind spins backwards to him.
A man/boy and a woman/girl ~ A romance in the garden of Eden and the most beautiful falls. Our place is in the forest with the pixies, fairies, elves, dwarves, gnomes, wood sprites, and other magickal creatures.
Faith in someone is hard to come across and yet I trust him with my life. As his eyes closed behind the wheel, I did not panic or get angry. Regardless of the surroundings that could have led us to the grave, I had faith in him. As his copilot, I talked to him and helped to keep him alert, but I never feared that we would crash. Even if we had crashed and a marker of two crosses were put up for us (there were many death site markers along the way), I think that we would have died happy.
Touching his head felt like the softest velvet and I kept petting him. I studied his features with all my might so that in his absence, he would still be seen as three dimensional. Sure I have pictures of him, however, they are only two dimensional. I need to be able to see him and feel him even while we are apart and I have done a good job at drinking him up.
Creamy white delicious and soft as the finest silk is the tone of his skin. His features are like carved alabaster: beautifully formed and perfect. His eyes are most beautiful and reflect the sky. His chest is chiseled and manly, yet his actions are wonderfully boyish. The little tom girl in me loves him to death, but he needs to teach me balance so that I too may walk on fallen trees that lie across the stream in the forest. His balance is so amazing.
Can this all be a dream? If it is, I don't want to wake up. My head and heart are elevated to a higher stratosphere of beauty and appreciation. I slumber while awake in pillows of fantasy that are puffed high in the clouds upon a mountain top. I can kiss the sky, but I prefer to kiss him.
If I am mad as a hatter, then let me be and let my insanity reign supreme.
Oh glorious man god of supreme proportions
Grant me audience
This poor lowly servant girl
That I may look upon you and glorify you
You who walks on water
You who fears not
You who instills courage where there was fear
I pay homage to your graciousness
Thank you for kissing my tears
Delusional? No. Obsessed? No. Conscious and conscientious? Yes. I acknowledge all that I feel and it is like a high wire balancing act. The pain of separation and the joy of memory and/or reunion. I can't say that I would want to feel any other way.
A thought ignites sightings of wonderment
Childish and childlike aspirations bring lightness of heart
And rounds of flying as high as a kite
Only a small gust of wind is needed to take flight
The wings of an eagle are mighty
Yet so too are the wings of imagination
Extended and flexible
Each memory is like a feather
Bind the feathers and wings create flight
Zipping and soaring high above the tallest trees
Extraordinary and delectable are the trappings ~ Arachne ~ Penned prior to 3:00 p.m. on May 1, 2007
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