Speechless

Reel to reel
Black and white
The creation of a lifelike pictorial without spoken words is hard to envision as vocal inflection is not present
Thus every action is exaggerated
Animations are made in the best way possible to elicit emotions
Albeit emotions can be negative or positive based on the character
We have the villain, victim, hero, heroine, comic, et al
And each one of them pulls something from us while feeding us at the same time
Very much so the internet reminds me of a silent movie
The only difference is that I am not only watching the Nickelodeon
I am on screen as well
Without the help of a director
Actions can be misinterpreted
I am ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille
Can someone change the REAL? ~ 9/30/06

O, There Art No Name

A woman's heart dost seem to fall for the bard
'Tis not so much the content of the verse as it is the gesture
Yet gesture's form does bear merit more so
Who amongst thee will approach bearing verse?
Not of idle rhyme
Per chance be of curious glorious nature
Will thou delve deeper than surface whilst allowing the same?
Can’st thou set aside judgment as it is thy bar?
All in all, judgment in true form shall not need pardon
Be it ever so fair
Ever so humbly, I submit!          
O come thee, I pray you
My chamber door lies rightly ajar - 9/27/06

Double Take

Not too far from shore lies a portly estate that sits in well with it's overlooking surroundings. Blue is the main color of the maison's clapboards, however, all the details have been whitewashed for distinction. Distinctly so, high in it's majesty a woman walks wearing a treaded path in the floorboards.

Aye, 'tis the "widow's walk!" Encased in fragile spindles of distinction, she paces and looks far off into the distance of the Atlantic hoping to see his approaching vessel near the craggy shore. Her brows knit and her arms cross and uncross in frustration as her shawl gently blows in the salt wind. Mark her forehead which is also caressed by the wind as the movement of her strands expose a widow's peak. Has she been doubly crossed to walk that which she is? - 9/27/06

Conclusion:

Although I did not give up on he who I sought out, he has made it quite clear that he has no interest.  Oh well shit happens.  I am not mad nor am I upset as this scenario was prepared for.  Rejection is easy to handle if you have handled if from the best.  The best would be your parent.    You may think that maybe I purposefully influenced this outcome, but trust me I did not.  It seems that me being me is not tolerable.  Who else might I be then if not myself?  That is a good one to ponder. - 9/26/06

Confession:

I have given my heart out and fessed up to something that I had been repressing for sometime. What happens upon doing something so bold is that I risk being rejected. This is all part of life and I have learned that rejection can be dealt with based on past experience. Thus having dealt with it in the past, the re-experience of rejection opens many wounds yet, at the same time, adds metal to being. Maybe metal is not the appropriate word...call it another brick in the wall so to speak as it kind of closes me into myself. However, that is not to say that I wouldn't do it all over again as I would. It is not known at this time if rejection has occurred, however, it must be assumed to prepare myself. What is the worst thing that could happen? I will tell you...I will go off into a corner and lick my wounds until they heal and start all over again. That is the never ending battle...take a licking and keep on ticking. - 9/23/06

TWO

Miserable forsaken restrictions
Me can’st untie the tide
Nor cause the moon to wane
Tis but a part of nature
Yet unnatural structure need be modified
As do or die has not been exceeded
Aye, the crash of thunder rings in my ears
Thoughts upon a pondering
Tis not to be drowned out by silence
Albeit silence loud, thought engulfs
Making it dead
Forlorn smoke billows
Amidst great city stacks
Seeking a refuge upon the sky
Grand pillows of white lie open
Gathering and multiplying
Forming one
Oh boldness
My will to continue shall not go undone - 9/23/06

CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN MY EXPERIMENT AND SELF.

I CALL THIS “NEEDY” CONVERSATIONS.

You may notice that I am not very nice to him (cold as a witch’s left tit) and at the end I deny him and he buckles at my bark.  Too bad you couldn’t have borrowed John’s ears when he heard him whining on the phone (multiple times).  That man was so insecure he thought that I was fucking that kid as he sure wasn’t getting another piece of me.  John laughed at him as he heard everything that Randy was saying and Randy heard John laugh as I had him on speaker phone to further humiliate him.  I am so bad when I am bad.  Me thinks that it irked him that I told him I manipulated him and how.  Perhaps that is why he wanted his victory.

A gold digger would take this sucker for a buggy ride.  He THOUGHT he could buy me as he has money and was willing to take care of me.  As if I would let that happen.  I insulted him, his home, and his demeanor.  I told him that I would jump all over his leather couches and write on his walls in crayon.  He had agreed  so long as he didn’t have to watch.  LMFAO.  See what happens when I don’t love someone?  This kind of shit went on for three months before he buggered off.  I would not see him much less fuck him again.  Perhaps you will grasp the concept of poser.  Note that I had interviewed (but not even so much as smooched their lips) several doms/masters for information purposes to see how they tick.  They really don’t.  They usually have multiple subs as they are superficial people and to them it is PLAYING.  I don’t play which is the difference.  The one thing I did get from them including Randy boy here was RESPECT.  You will note within the dialogue that I DO NOT LOVE HIM and that I CANNOT even JUST sleep with him.  I laid it out...NO SPARK.  

Randy says (9:02 PM): hey

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:02 PM): yo

Randy says (9:03 PM): how was your day

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:03 PM):most excellent. how was yours?

Randy says (9:03 PM):long but good

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:03 PM):so now you are tired?

Randy says (9:03 PM): yes

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:03 PM):gee, how did I know.

Randy says (9:04 PM):shut up

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:04 PM):make me.

Randy says (9:04 PM):4 am to 8 pm is a long day let me

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:04 PM):you choose it. no. make me.

Randy says (9:04 PM): ok I will

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:04 PM):realize you can't do anything that I don't allow.

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:05 PM):that, my love, is the reality of it all.

Randy says (9:05 PM):I know as do you

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:05 PM):yuppers on that one.

Randy says (9:05 PM):so what now?

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:05 PM):what do you mean?
Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:06 PM):are you eating green cheese or something?

Randy says (9:06 PM):If I were to arrive tomorrow afternoon would you greet me in the nude wearing only your collar?

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:06 PM):no. as I won't be here.

Randy says (9:07 PM):too bad for us

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:07 PM):Oh, it was an IF question. The answer is NO.

Randy says (9:07 PM):and if it was not an if ?

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:07 PM):It would still be no.

Randy says (9:07 PM):k

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:08 PM):You have not come that far to pull that kind of rank.

Randy says (9:08 PM):I do want to Own you

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:08 PM):Earn it.

Randy says (9:08 PM):wear a collar when I get there tomorrow

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:08 PM):I won't be here.

Randy says (9:09 PM):too bad for you

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:09 PM):Even if I were here, I wouldn't do it. Why too bad for me? I have no regret.

Randy says (9:10 PM):you want to be owned and I want to Own so too bad you are not there tomorrow night is all where are you tomorrow night?

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:11 PM):I see. Note you should be aware of: I would need to love you for you to have that absolute and it is not even absolute power over me. Do you understand me? I will be working on my car at the factory and then walking my gf so that she loses weight.

Randy says (9:12 PM):ok I understand good night princess

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:12 PM):goodnight dear.

Randy says (9:13 PM):call me if you like

Arachne - Watching You Tube says (9:13 PM):get off your ass and call me.

Randy: hi babe

Randy: you here?

Arachne: yeah
Randy: how have you been?
Arachne: I am watching this...http://bethe.cornell.edu/video1_large.html

Randy: what?

Arachne: click the damn link

Randy: ok

Arachne: ty

Randy: quatum I love it !!

Arachne: Cool. I did send you an invite to stumble upon. you will only get sites that you have interest in.

Randy: yes but I have no time

Arachne: too bad
Arachne: how is your ear?

Randy: for who?

Arachne: for you.

Randy: it’s still blocked but thanks for asking

Arachne: sorry to hear that

Randy: I am letting my body heal itself

Randy: lol funny

Arachne: sounds good

Randy: what are you doing?

Randy: tonight?

Randy: tonight?

Arachne: watching that vid. before that I was watching a dvd Along Came a Spider.

Randy: ok

Arachne: you?
Randy: I need a hug
Arachne: HUG

Randy: yes

Arachne: :D
Arachne: there you go
Randy: not so good
Arachne: no?

Randy: ty

Arachne: yw

Randy: I want a hug from you a eal one

Randy: real

Arachne: why?

Randy: just need your hug]

Randy: ok

Randy: may I cum over?

Arachne: well if you ask "may I cum [sic] over," I assume you know how to get here.

Randy: I need some directions

Randy: Mags

Randy: what does SIC mean?

Arachne: it means that you spelled it incorrectly and as I am quoting you, I am showing that it is your spelling mistake.
Arachne: it is used in term papers.

Randy: ok

Randy: want to wake up with me ?

Randy: yes or no?

Arachne: you have to find my spark.

Randy: ok

Randy: we can talk about it in bed no sex

Arachne: so you have stated.

Randy: yes or no?

Arachne: I can't sleep with you for reasons previously stated.  I don’t love you.

Randy: call me

Arachne: call you what? turkey? lol

Randy: NOW

Arachne: you call me.
Arachne: your fingers still work right?
Randy: call me
Arachne: you call me.
Arachne: get off your ass and call me.

Randy: bitch

Arachne: ty
Arachne: I hear the ring

A LIBRA AT PHILOSOPHY

If you are capable of thinking it, you are capable of doing it!!!

A harness is for a horse.

Escape that which burdens you and fly like an eagle as all is possible in the mind.

That is what you are FREE...NOW LIVE LIFE!!!

LIVE LIFE to it FULLEST.

Rip away that which leashes you unto yourself. Let your being SOAR (imagine flames coming out of this word)!!!

Icras did not make it, but you CAN!!! No waxy wings here. (Can you see the wind beneath your wings?)

Free spirt lies in imagination...in imagery. Close your eyes and find out.

Play some loud music and dance to your heart's content (no matter if you are 5 or 75) or until your legs, heart, or head hurt, but have fun doing it. PLAY WITH THE MOMENT AS IT IS YOURS!!! The fountain of youth is in your head...let it pour!!!

Play some soft music that takes you away on a cloud and HUG YOURSELF or CRY if you have to!!!

Envision fancy commodities and GRASP them from air. Aye, this may sound like lunacy, but when was the last time you let your child out? Let it out as it is screaming for FREEDOM!!!

Read a FAIRY TALE and play a role in the story...become part of it and the journey will be an adventure to remember.

We are not predefined and limited. Our scope is only limited by what we allow. Do not allow closure as you will suffocate and die!!

Not for anything folks, but you can pick yourself up by the britches and make a go at it, whatever IT might be, RUN...

Go Now and Live Life! Enjoy that what you have!

WeeHa!

NOTE: Do not die an automaton...you are REAL! ~ Maggie 9/20/06

The Danger of Comfort

No one can beat me up better than I can beat myself up
Maybe that is why I don't give a damn and I don't fear anything
Like a chain, I am only as strong as my weakest link
My weak link is memories/heart
They are what make me foolish
The armor that shields these memories was let down
And my heart was pierced by someone I do not know
Thus I have compromised myself
As a side of me that has been hidden
Has now been exposed in detail
To eyes that appeared understanding
Perhaps that was a misconception on my part
Maybe I sought understanding and found a brief moment of it
Perhaps I have let too much out that I shouldn't have
In a manner that should not have been had
Yet what has been done cannot be undone
Has a lesson been learned?
Not really
As much as coming out of my sheath hurt
There was a benefit in the sharing
In that I felt understood for but a moment
Yeah a whole fleeting moment
Perhaps that moment wasn't even real
However, the opening of my scar tissue is devastating to my being
It is easier to hide behind humor and sarcasm
Than to come forward                          
If only there were a hole deep enough to climb into
I would climb in and hide forever
Alas, I dwell in the dark anyway
What hell could be worse? - Arachne 9/20/06

Encryption

As I do like to ponder and often wonder...
Am I being deceived?
Can one be of two faces twice twined betwixt and between?
Is it a sad fallacy that has not quite gone unnoticed?
Not quite caught off guard but guarded?
Do I really comprehend the data?
The eyes pick up on certain aspects which in turn tell the brain...THINK
Can duality exist in one
Not exactly from opposite spectrums
More so at face? - 9/17/06

Allegiance

To what do we owe our allegiance? God, man, country? What purpose does it serve? Does it serve us in the process or does it take away from us in the end?
I owe allegiance unto myself
I have no country and
I bow before no god nor man
Unless it be a man of my choosing
Therefore, will he be my god?
No he will not be my god as man is fallible
Yet he will be revered as a god
In turn, I expect to be revered as well
In thus doing, am I true unto myself?
Has my allegiance been maintained?
I believe so

Allegiance to self means that you bear full and absolute responsibility for your actions or lack thereof and you do not place the blame/credit on others - 9/1/06