FOR LOVE

There is nothing one won’t do save to hurt self beyond recognition.

The sun (Sol) came out and stated “your mate” to which I did not reply to her labeling of the status.  How now she comes to this assumption?  Dost she assume what is not or does she see what may someday be?  YES.  Perhaps she did see.  Tis I that use the word as thus to mean thus and no more nor no less.  Tis value!  Alas, I request to know where value lies–not in ties dyed and dried left for the wind and nothing more.  Her invite to 26 has been noted and shall not be forgotten.

Do you see?  How far is thy sight?  Tis naught what I would hope for, but it is what it is.  Values have been questioned and confusion lays in its wake with conflicting data–mind messed in a matter of sorts.  Nay to potato.  Free me as I be.  Whatever I may be and whenever I may be.  Sorrow has no time in these parts as I will save that for others of lesser means and values.  Tis for pity’s sake and no more.  I do question if that is my sake as well.  If for my sake as well, then I recognize it not, but note that I shall not allow myself to walk in those shoes.   

The level has changed and I am pleased.  I saw and see things differently, but nevertheless conflicting.  Naturally occurring in more ways than one.  I saw and see shadows of love elegantly displayed and wonderfully executed.  My heart bleeds in ways that I presently allow, but let it be as it may for now or until the tide turns.  From here I borrow from my past. ~ Maggie ~ Penned on December 30, 2008 prior to midnight - edited this night 12/31/08.

Once again, I remind my stalker to fuck off and to get a real life.  Your behavior makes me not give a rat’s ass about you.  If I hurt you at this point, ask me if I care.  I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK so deal with it.  I had heart (past tense) for your situation, but no more.  Said The Raven: “NEVERMORE.” - E.A. Poe

The New Year~

The calendar shows a new year, but to me it is just part of the season called winter.  There is nothing earth shattering or fantastic about it.  Why do we celebrate it?  Does the ball dropping in Times Square only indicate that another year of your life has gone by with the numbers screaming wildly if you happen to be watching the screen?  Even if you aren’t watching the screen, you will know the year as the numbers will surround you in calendar form while the clock ticks to the minute hand’s delight.  Why is it only going to be 2010 when so much more time has passed?

People look to change in the supposed new, yet fail to see the they are still in a slumber.  Can snow caps liquidate themselves to the stream while blanketing the mountain?  Why can’t the new year be celebrated when the newness comes?  In other words, why not celebrate spring as that is when birth occurs just as fall indicates falling away or gearing down toward sleep.  “To sleep per chance to dream...” nothing dies per se, but sleeps the winter away only to spring forward in the awakening or rebirth.  Look to it when the buds start to appear and when the newly born romp about.  The awakening seems more like a new year and a reason to celebrate life. ~ Maggie ~ December 16, 2009 @ 10:57 p.m. EST

Dancing~ NOT POSTED

I called him tonight and he will call me back later as he had to cook dinner.  Eight o’clock sounds fine to me.  He does not know it yet, but I may ask him if he would care to dance with me after the year is new.  Mind you, in asking him to dance, I first have to advise my other dance partner that I may be making a request of another.  In my honest opinion, I do not think he (present dance partner) will mind one bit.  As for the other dancer, I think over time, he will mind a great deal IF I am correct in my assumption.  The assumption is based on a feeler that was put out for information purposes only.  He did not cast judgement or dictate as did my experiment, but instead gave me his knowledge of human nature.  I could say he was doing the math.  However, he does not know that I may ask him.  Maybe I will not ask him.  As if I would even have to ask him.  Duh.  That is a no brainer.  Okay so we put in cement and rubber stamped it that we would never dance as we are such great friends.  Besides, I have my own issues with him that I believe could be worked out in a peaceful manner.  Overall, I love the guy as a person, but I do not know about the dancing aspect.  Not yet.

What do I want in the long run?  That is what I am looking at.  What do I see before me and where do I see it going? ~ 12/14/09 @ 6:14 p.m.  REFER BACK TO NOVEMBER 30th.

December 2009

The constant “I” is the “I” in progression through various stages of life and experience. That in itself constitutes change. ~ Maggie

Monkey In The Middle~

I know why I like my solitude: there is no drama.  I do love my daughter and mother very much, but to lie in the middle while one requests “tell so and so <you name it>” and the other makes the same *request is insane.  Both my loved ones have been put on notice that I will not participate.

To my mother, I pled guilty to everything and bid her farewell.  To my daughter, I advised her that I have opted out of the middle.  There was no “she said <blah blah>” to either party.  I simply got phone calls with complaints and *requests.  I don’t have a problem listening to the complaints, but I can’t do the *request thing.  I only do the **suggest thing.  Sure I listen to both sides and note differences of perspective, however, who is telling the truth?  The truth lies somewhere in the muddle and I don’t have time to mess with it.  It is for them, as adults, to sort their own nonsense.  Neither one needs stress which sounds perfectly reasonable, but neither do I.

It was suggested to both parties that they cease speaking to each other.  What they do with that suggestion is up to them.  I wash my hands of it. Bah! ~ Maggie ~ 12/7/09 @ 10:03 p.m. EST

Unscorched

Head bows down
As eyes rise in knowing
Arms lift from their sides and expand upward, yet
In artful manner wrists point downward
Suddenly, as the head flings back, a mighty breath is drawn
Soar is on the mind as plumage is gained in breadth and width
Take flight and gaze below!
What dost thou see?
The pan from space shows no true topography from this height
As the dimensions tri are missing from view
Flat as a pan does the panning hold
View a form of what function
At present, I see only a two dimensional view
Perhaps a greater survey is necessary
From the top down or bottom up
To find that which, from a distance, cannot be detailed out
Yet upon closer inspection, I fall to earth
Bound by muck and mire
I free my being and leave my plumage behind
Until I rise again
Fly again
To gain a greater perspective
Gratefully, I have not been scorched by the sun ~ Arachne ~ December 6, 2009 @ 12:58 a.m. EST

While Waiting In The Car~

While waiting in the car for my mom, I experienced a very interesting display which only I could see and hear.  It did make time fly.  As the cars, people, trees, and other objects disappeared, I heard and saw the following:

There was a sad symphony of music in the background as a couple came together.  From a distance, their small precise steps seemed dance-like and methodical: almost choreographed to the sound.  The couple that I speak of were not a human couple but more like anime images that played in my head.  As they came closer, their eyes widened and sparkled and they locked into a gaze.  Again as if choreographed, their arms reached out to one another grasping at each other’s elbows keeping at least a foot of space between them.  I saw love in her eyes while his eyes maintained a look of curiosity.  Was one of his brows raised as if to form a question?  From my mind’s perspective, I could see tears swelling in her big bright eyes, but she spoke not a word and steadfastly gazed as if trying to absorb him through vision.  Her eyes were speaking volumes to him, however, he heard her not.  She knew he did not: she felt he did not.  I felt her feelings.  Seemingly at once, they clung to each other in a long embrace as if clinging to life itself.  Slowly, but beautifully, they floated upward into the sky while the sad music played on. They did whirl for a bit in a lovely array, but upon their landing, the sad gaze became apparent to him.  To the ground her eyes drifted as she watched her tear splatter out a design much like that of blood splatter yet lacking its color.  Returning her eyes to him, she kissed him and then walked away. ~ Maggie ~ December 4, 2009 @ 9:15 p.m. EST   

Unfortunately, I cannot include all the details as they would not make sense.