Addressing feelings using understanding of human behavior
How do you feel about having sex with him? I don’t feel comfortable about it. Unlike the other potato (the insecure one), I was NOT advised of his status prior to the initial event. Then again, maybe she wasn’t advised either. Had I had the knowledge, I would have incorporated the other danger signs into it and would have given a NEGATIVE response. First and foremost, I never attempt to mate with one who is involved.
How can you change the way you feel? I will ask if he can have me visit him STRICTLY as a FRIEND. If he cannot, I won’t visit him, but I will be his friend.
Why can’t you visit him if he does not agree? To engage under the circumstances he wishes to engage under, I would hurt SELF and ANOTHER. I do not want to hurt self or another.
Why would it hurt you? I would hurt self as the engagement is NOT real and I KNOW this. He has shown me in many ways. From MY perspective, he sees me only as a sexual object and nothing more.
Why would it hurt another? The other is insecure and requires his attention. She is hurting just in knowing I exist. I don’t like this feature. What she does not realize is that she too bears no meaning save for sex. In this I feel sorry for her and my heart goes out to her.
Do you feel sorry for him? A part of me does NOT feel sorry for him and a part of me DOES feel sorry for him.
Why do you NOT feel sorry for him? I do not feel sorry for him because he makes his own circumstances thus he get what he gives. I see that he does not really give of his heart, but he does give of his penis. Within his penis lies his value and his empty circumstance(s).
Why DO you feel sorry for him? He does not know what love is. He is more than his penis only he does not see it. Part of why I feel sorry for him is why I don’t feel sorry for him. The issues are tied together.
Do you feel that your behavior is reinforced? No I do not.
Do you see extinction of behavior? Yes I do.
Do you feel love toward him? Yes I do.
Is the love you feel toward him the same as before? Yes, but it is modified.
How is your love toward him modified? The level of love is the same, however, I do not want the intimacy based on the fact that it is not reinforced. (*See later note for elaboration.)
How do you feel about the insecure potato and the other potatoes? I feel really bad for the insecure potato. I place myself in her shoes and know how she feels in seeking love and attention only to find it not, or to find it, but on shallow levels. Memories of what that feels like doesn’t go away so I can relate to her even though I don’t know her. As for the other potatoes, it is my GUESS that they either don’t care one way or the other as it is stickily sex to them OR they too lie in shoes similar to the insecure potato, but are silent. I know not.
What is your hope at this point? At this point I hope that he and I can start over as friends with REAL love. I have love for him so that is half and half, if looked at from a different perspective, is always whole.
What if HE decided that he wanted you in his life? At this point, we NEED to be friends first as the rest would come together if it is meant to be so.
How do you expect him to treat you? I expect him to treat me with respect.
What do you mean by “treat [you] with respect?” I do not want any sexual advances verbal or otherwise from him. He may speak of others if that is his desire as I believe in free speech. I don’t want to be treated like MEAT. I refuse to be treated like MEAT. If respect cannot be had, communication shall cease, but the love won’t. ~ Maggie ~ Penned prior to 12:00 p.m. on December 13, 2008.
THE OBJECT OF USING FREE WILL:
I HAVE ONE QUESTION THAT WILL BE *LOADED AS ALL THE DOMINOS IN THIS COMPLEX WILL DEPEND ON YOUR ANSWER. (One action (a spoken or written word) sets off a chain of events. ~ 2:45 p.m.)
*LOADED = Much information will be gathered based on a YES or NO answer. I will be open enough to show you what data (see data section) will be gathered as I can only be honest with you.
Question: WILL YOU ACCEPT MY COMPANY (in the time we had originally given ourselves) OVER THE HOLIDAYS WITHOUT US ENGAGING IN SEX? There are only two possible answers: Yes or No. The answer does not require an explanation, nor does it really require an answer. You see, in my world, no answer by the 17th, is an answer by default. The answer would then be negative.
DATA:
SOME OF THE INFORMATION GATHERED WILL BE:
My value (not to myself) on various levels i.e., human, friend, woman, sexual object, etc. (ties into value).
His value system. This is complex in itself and hits many target zones. View of human over sex. Also addresses psychological realm.
His level of love (this ties into value).
His level of friendship (this ties into value)
My job. This includes management while Eve is gone. There is a whole chain of events here.
My travel date. Date of departure and advices given in regard to all that is. Chain of events.
His gifts. How they will be sent i.e., details. If he wants them/does not want them, this too sets off other chains of events.
Major connection of many dots too complex to list. Everything ties together.
Regardless of answer, status is the same. Love and friendship.
My prediction using probability based on what has been observed and what has not and what has been heard and what has not in addition to all previous experiences with people in general would lead me to say that he will NOT see me for the holidays. Percentage that I am right is still at 98.99%. I see that he wants sex and the insecure potato will put out, but I won’t. I lose nothing, but I gain experience. ~ Maggie ~ Penned prior to 1:00 p.m. EST on December 13, 2008.
I hope I am wrong. ~ December 14, 2008 @ 8:22 p.m. EST
* ELABORATION: Balance. The value of the action versus the value of the reward. IF reward value < action value, cease action. If the reward is = or > the action, the action would continue as it would be reinforced. ~ 2:15 p.m. EST
The only thing that will hurt is his ego. I base this on the “NO CALL when I get home” response and various other responses. ~ 2:13 p.m. EST
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