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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Discussions with a even newer German friend:

To say that these discussions hurt, would be an understatement as I feel this person and their struggle.

Note to self: 3rd Prime

GERMANY:  Please, I like your video ! But could you please make a vid overwritten with :

The Greatest Things In Life Are Free Pt 1 of 2
"The greatest things in death are"

I mean - everything you're longing for, will be true when one's dead, wouldn't it ?
I want freedom. If i am dead, I will be free from money, materialism, all these useless things. Why should one care ? Is it fear to lose a thing.....fuck...What do you think ?

ME: Death is an illusion. You are part of all that is. The fight is within SELF for the discovery of freedom. It does not lie in the material nor does happiness. It does not lie in another unless you first find it in SELF and then you will see real value in the non-material world. You will see the interconnectedness. When you win the fight and find SELF you will be free. You will cry for those who are dead from the neck up and who seek the shallow, but you will love them.

GERMANY:  Well, I would say, you can compare life and death to the two halfs of something, which wouldn't exist, without one of the halfs. So I don't think I am "alive"...it is just one part of the whole. And death is the other one. I consider death not as an illusion. There a lot of people who are dead with their bodies still working, with their bodies still speaking and eating and breathing - but they were already dead. I felt a certain connection between me and others, not only human...

but not to dead people. I mean the people who stopped thinking, fighting, enjoing...
So I want to know, what happens I am dead in their way...I never want to be I would rather die then to live like an undead. Once I will think about the greatest things in death...one thing will be TV, or cars, or money, or religion, or government, or school,...

ME: I understand what you mean. Again, I can only say what I see through my eyes. Those things of which you speak of in the material are not real. If it does not come/go with you on your journeys, it is not real. The only life/power that the non-material has is the value we as responsible beings give it. Example: If you bought tissue and a pipe cleaner and created a rose for your love, then the value of the end product does not lie in the product. It lies in the memory of the giving.

Values in education. A Ph.D. does not make a being smart or creative. A Ph.D. CAN make the mind HONED and specific, but it depends on the mind. It is based on values. What is the value of a 6 year-old's imagination when not being dulled? To me it is PRICELESS! Which would you choose if given a choice? I would take 6 and fly to Neverland and play with the pirates!

You did compare the halves and provided an accurate depiction if telling the story to a blind person. If one had to describe a zombie, your telling would create the image. There is no difference between life and death per se. (NOTE: I CAN TELL NIX THE ZOMBIES SHE FEARS ARE REAL!  BOY WILL I LAUGH WITH THAT ONE.  Okay, I do laugh when I scare the beejesus out of her.  She gets over it.  I have to break off again...she is so scared of real zombies, she has a book on how not to get eaten or something like that.  LMAO)  From my own perspective, you can't cease to be. I don't ask you to see through my eyes, but I can tell you what I see. The meaning of life (or value) lies within. I personally feel sorry for those who seem dead/lost. However, I cannot force my view upon them.  (It is rather like a trial by fire in that you learn by burning.)

THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS even when you're down. It only takes a few jiggles to light up. We are our own best medicine we burn and learn and laugh! Just remember, it all comes with you. I do wish I could show you what gifts I was given in number formula, but it may mean nothing to you. Why I got numbers is beyond me as I suck at math. What would you do with the thought 22.5 degrees?

A story: I don’t remember where I was or what I was doing, but I was struck with this strange number from hell.  Imagine being like WTF does this mean?  Somewhere along my time line, I became calculating, but not in mathematical form.  I connected dots if that makes any sense.  Perhaps if you envision what I am real good at: DATABASE STRUCTURE (What does a database look like?  Does anyone have a family tree?  The macrocosm goes into microcosm.  Do you see it now?) and SCHEMATICS hence, I am visual.
 
Imagine asking people what 22.5 means and them looking at you as if you were from Mars, but you keep on doing it? Now imagine slowly people start sharing ideas and telling you what they see in the 22.5 degrees.  There is a whole section I am going to skip, but know that it was bumpy and it became smooth.  Imagine if your kid started calling you John Lennon when she knew at another time you NEVER smiled.  Actually, switches started to flip earlier than last year.  My lights started to come on in 2005 when I was “back to being myself” and to those of you who have been with me that long, you will remember those words if they meant anything to you.  I can only connect one person who may remember.  Those of you who know me from my past and who see me in my present form, you will remember I was way different in form.  Even if pictures were produced, you may not believe that post 1999 and pre-2005 are the same woman as before and after.  I was actually carded at my own house after I told a woman who remembered the old me that I was me.  Adios mios! (Goodbye me (in the masculine)).  The physical does not match.  The illness of diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol and the like are gone and so is half body weight.  Yes I shed a person in about one year, but that person was myself.  No fancy diets.  I don’t watch Opra.  I hope I got the spelling right.  No fancy anything.  It was a matter of will.  I saw the picture “YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.”  Thus I had to will it so.  However, I could as I was only dealing with me.  Let me not stray from my degrees with stories of shape-shifting.  lol

I had started writing about life in 2005.  That is when I really started living.  By other people’s standards it was sorry shit of an existence, but I was okay.  I had nothing and I was okay.  I let my mind create stories and dialogue with self and others.  I started to tell of my life in literal or figurative forms of expression.  I was returning to the arts that I loved as a child.  The arts of beauty and imagination being made real by a grandfather who loved me.  There I went way back prior to my rip or damage.  In order to heal, I had to recognize my damage by understanding it.  Damage is an improper word for events that helped to form what is.  It is my grateful point that went on for many years.  By most standards it would be viewed as self destruction...which is what it was.  However, for all bad there is good and for all good there is bad.  The degree depends on the individual who is experiencing the event.

Back to 22.5 degrees...by presenting my degrees, I was now getting images through other people’s eyes along with stories and information.  Now this too is beneficial and you make friends and get warm feelings.  An engineer sees a rocket or missile.  A map meister sees above the tropic of Capricorn.  A physicist sees an angle with interlocking parts.  A goth sees the pentagram angle which lies about my neck.  I see myself as nuts.  The fusion of information had me tossing books and doing research over a lousy but fabulous number.  Oh, I have a formula that works out pied in odd form, but it does.  The silly little formula brings me joy as I see 9s and circles and interconnectedness.  I see all the things that I have ever dreamed and read about come to life.  I see beautiful works of art in my head and pictures that move so fast I could never capture them all on paper.  Nevertheless, they bring me joy.  These things I have for free show me the world in a different color...rainbow of purity.  This is not to say that I would roll over and let someone take my experience away from me, but no act of violence outright against another if not out of defense.  Warn in advance if possible.  No act of malevolence for the sheer sake of doing so (been there done that).   No act that could turn on myself as what I put out is what I will get.  It is not a fear that keeps me in check, it is my own wish to be happy.  All I can do is share the lift/gift of joy, a ray of a moment that lights up, I can share with you the air, and a friendly smile.  I can share time, but not to the point of breaking as a stretch can only go so far.  I will give my limit, and snap back into shape.  Imagine playing the old Atari game.  Imagine the paddle hitting the supposed ball and the other supposed paddle does not hit it back....wee ha off into outer space.  No violation.  It is playing happily in the bounds of love and not the bogus pretentious shit you read about in magazines or what control/need factors that are not real.  Only the love is real.  This love has weight to it or value if we deal in a value system..  It is putting yourself in the shoes of another before you do something.  It is being responsible without the same stress as others.  What grief you feel at this point is your own.  I am happy for me, but I feel sorry for those who are material bound.  I feel for those who worry about non-sense as if dinner time is a big issue or as if someone else’s taking a cruise is something to be jealous about.  What I want can’t be bought.  Corruption is difficult, but not impossible on these levels as what can be traded in virtual value for your mind’s creations?  HELLO?  Certainly not the dollar!.  I don’t want a large house as I don’t need it.  It is a burden.  As noted somewhere in my writing of the past few days, sometimes more is less and less is more even paraphrased.  As if funeral arrangements are important while you are alive.  I don’t think of what I can’t take with me.  I think of what I can and it is beautiful.

To another comrade in Germany, thanks for the inspiration to write this.  Your gift to me is priceless and I thank you. ~ December 18, 2008 @ 7:01 p.m. EST (It was really penned earlier, but I was too busy to note the time.)

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