Memory serves as a reminder of how close a person can be even though they are so far. The brain captures much more than film and each replay is more beautiful than the last. Every facial and body gesture, every touch, every sharing and giving moment are warmly kept and bring smiles when least expected. The great part of memory is that it is always turned on and even in moments where the mind is occupied by other things because visions manage to come forth in the mind's eye. Miles can separate two bodies, but hearts and minds can bring them together.
After spending almost two days crying, I realize that there is reason to smile. Time played a trick on me and made me forget the flip side of love and that flip side is hurt. The hurt is not one of a broken heart or ill feelings: it is a good hurt of missing and longing. Therefore it is a driving force. A force that will hopefully reunite us. It warms my heart that he is out there and thinking of me as well.
My Prince climbs the highest mountains and walks the longest trails. He captures wild things and is gentle with them and returns them to their natural habitat. His touch is gentle yet strong. His kisses are passionate and sweet and his body is warm and loving. His eyes sparkle like magick stones and his hands are large and cover mine. When placed on my hips, I feel like he has all of me.
The greatest part of my Prince is that he is ALL THAT! He is not a pretender and is more REAL than anyone that I have ever met. The childlike qualities that I thought he had were surpassed in reality and he was able to capture my child as well. We played well together and without any friction. There was a humorous thing about pizza and because of my lack of cooperation, I missed out on his favorite pizza in Vancouver. From now on he has my total cooperation as he has not steered me wrong. Even grass juice was good! Yup, it tasted like fresh cut lawn. Without him, I would not have done much of what he had me experience. He gave me bigger balls than I already had. So what that I fell on my face and ass while I was with him. There can be joy in black and blue.
Adventure and exploration = experiencing, learning, loving, laughing, sharing, caring, smiling and crying. Yeah, I am owned.
I feel his bite on my neck and the sensations that it brings. The slight touch on the small of my back that winds me up. The gentle touch or nibble on my ear.
There are so many things that I can say about my Prince, however, words alone can never truly express everything I feel, think, and know about him.
Today brings doofy smiles and tears. The smiles are brought about from thinking about him and the tears are brought about from wanting him. Okay, so I am a wha wha baby. Am I a Barbie or Pink because I am romantic at heart? Hell NO! As mushy as I can be, I can also be a hard ass. However, I would never be a hard ass with him. He did see my hard ass side with others and he laughed. I did not need the disguise of makeup or done up hair. My nails are now tattered and my body is black and blue from my boyish adventures in pants, boots, and a hat sporting the drowned rat look and yet I felt beautiful.
I guess it is who you are with that can make you feel great about being alive. He made me feel alive and aware. He educated me in beauty of the natural kind...his kind and he is kind. I don't know if a fairer Prince can exist. It is highly doubted that anyone can even stand in his shadow.
Another great thing is that he let me be me yet encouraged me to overcome my fears. He did not treat me like a Barbie at all as he left me to strive for myself which was beneficial to me as he gave me strength. Nope, I was not babied and that was sooooo cool! That is equality! Shit man, he is the best.
Sure I would feel bad if he never wanted to see me again, but I would have to look at all the great things we experienced and shared and say it was beautiful and unforgettable nonetheless. There are no regrets as I am glowing!
Comfort is leaving the bathroom door open. Comfort is telling how something feels in detail. Comfort is sharing a mirror, cig, or some food. Comfort is falling asleep in someone's arms and waking the same way. Comfort is falling on your face and ass and not being embarrassed. Comfort is knowing we can be ourselves without criticism or argument. Comfort is acceptance.
Love is smiling and crying. Love is daydreams of beautiful things that money can't buy. Love is time spent by two. Love is holding hands in the rain. Love is touching his face and studying it. Love is Nathan my darling Prince.
I can't stop thinking about him and I am glad that I absorbed him. It seems that I am lost in my own thoughts. My mind spins backwards to him.
A man/boy and a woman/girl ~ A romance in the garden of Eden and the most beautiful falls. Our place is in the forest with the pixies, fairies, elves, dwarves, gnomes, wood sprites, and other magickal creatures.
Faith in someone is hard to come across and yet I trust him with my life. As his eyes closed behind the wheel, I did not panic or get angry. Regardless of the surroundings that could have led us to the grave, I had faith in him. As his copilot, I talked to him and helped to keep him alert, but I never feared that we would crash. Even if we had crashed and a marker of two crosses were put up for us (there were many death site markers along the way), I think that we would have died happy.
Touching his head felt like the softest velvet and I kept petting him. I studied his features with all my might so that in his absence, he would still be seen as three dimensional. Sure I have pictures of him, however, they are only two dimensional. I need to be able to see him and feel him even while we are apart and I have done a good job at drinking him up.
Creamy white delicious and soft as the finest silk is the tone of his skin. His features are like carved alabaster: beautifully formed and perfect. His eyes are most beautiful and reflect the sky. His chest is chiseled and manly, yet his actions are wonderfully boyish. The little tom girl in me loves him to death, but he needs to teach me balance so that I too may walk on fallen trees that lie across the stream in the forest. His balance is so amazing.
Can this all be a dream? If it is, I don't want to wake up. My head and heart are elevated to a higher stratosphere of beauty and appreciation. I slumber while awake in pillows of fantasy that are puffed high in the clouds upon a mountain top. I can kiss the sky, but I prefer to kiss him.
If I am mad as a hatter, then let me be and let my insanity reign supreme.
Oh glorious man god of supreme proportions
Grant me audience
This poor lowly servant girl
That I may look upon you and glorify you
You who walks on water
You who fears not
You who instills courage where there was fear
I pay homage to your graciousness
Thank you for kissing my tears
Delusional? No. Obsessed? No. Conscious and conscientious? Yes. I acknowledge all that I feel and it is like a high wire balancing act. The pain of separation and the joy of memory and/or reunion. I can't say that I would want to feel any other way.
A thought ignites sightings of wonderment
Childish and childlike aspirations bring lightness of heart
And rounds of flying as high as a kite
Only a small gust of wind is needed to take flight
The wings of an eagle are mighty
Yet so too are the wings of imagination
Extended and flexible
Each memory is like a feather
Bind the feathers and wings create flight
Zipping and soaring high above the tallest trees
Extraordinary and delectable are the trappings ~ Arachne ~ Penned prior to 3:00 p.m. on May 1, 2007
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