Two Hits of Purple Haze

Two Hits of Purple Haze
Thoughts are like maggots on a carcass
Eating and feeding
Death brings life
Squirming and slithering around in my head
They'll never stop until I am dead
Who is to say what lunacy holds
Beneath the darkness; beneath the folds ~ Arachne
Two Hits of Purple Haze

As I looked at the pills before me, I though WOW I wonder what will happen. My cousin Joey told me to make sure that I only took half a pill as this was my first trip. Well, I did listen to him initially. I took out a razor and cut the pill into two parts and although mighty tiny, I dropped it and waited...and waited...and waited. Sorry to say that I am not a patient person in some respects, therefore, I decided to drop the other half. Much to my dismay, nothing happened. This is approximately one hour later After waiting for sometime now, I said: Fuck it! I am taking the other one. So, two hits of purple haze had been dropped and again I waited.

I was lying in my bed watching an old back and white TV and chilling out. Other than the light of my TV, there was the stark white bulb that hung on the ceiling like a open sore. I can't say that I remember the movie I was watching, but it was not a cartoon. After awhile, I was having a hard time hearing what was being said by the people on TV as only every other word was being heard. I was like: WOW this is interesting. Not too long afterward, they were cartoon characters who couldn't talk properly.

The ugly bulb in the ceiling was suddenly full of color and the colors kept changing. Again, I thought: WOW this is great. Sure it was all fun and games as the entertainment was on HIGH. This shit was making me feel like Alice in Wonderland and I was loving it without a doubt. Maybe I was bugging too much on what I could not hear and what I realized could not be really happening. That may have thrown my trip off kilter because before I knew it, the walls started to ooze blood and come alive. The joyful comic display was turning into a horror show that I could not stop.

All the posters on my walls were moving and being covered by blood that was now kind of gushing. The taste of blood was then transferred into my mouth and I could taste the iron of the substance. Madness was all around me and I had nowhere to go.

The pajamas that I had on that night were red and I had used scented talcum power. The color of my Pjs were driving me crazy and I had to take them off as fast as I could. The smell of the powder, which was strawberry, was not something that I could escape.

By this time, I had shut the TV and light in hopes that if I could not see it, it would not get me. Unfortunately, that did not work. As I tried to talk myself straight, sirens were going off in my head and blasting the sound of my own rational thoughts to silence. I tried to pray to god for this to stop and to let me be normal again, but that prayer fell on deaf ears. Sure, I had done this to myself and now it was time to deal with the situation. Thoughts of talking myself straight were still trying to be had, but I felt like I was fighting a monster and the monster was my mind. I tried to lie still and not to think at all...total shutdown, but that didn't happen either so I curled into a fetal position and hugged myself. My eyes were razor sharp and even in the darkness of my room there was light...light enough for me to look at my gray arm and see the little dwarfs run down my arm. With whatever strength I had in my other arm, I made a dash to get them off of me. Sure, they were gone but what was left of my arm? It had aged and the veins were popping out as I was suddenly very old and almost not capable of moving, but move I did. Sitting there with my head in my hands, I decided to look out the window. Pulling the shade aside, I saw the tree. Normally this tree was a pleasant tree that was green and provided shade by my window, however, not on this night. NO. On this night the tree was a monster that was trying to get through my window with its branched arms lunging toward me and scaring the shit out of me.

My room had become quite tiny by this time as all that existed was me and my brain. There was no room for anything else as my mind sought to fill me with every horror that I had ever thought upon up to this point in my life. Accepting that I had gone mad was a hard thing to think of so I wished for death only that did not come either. Minutes seemed like hours or hours seemed like minutes as time was not real. Nothing was real...not even me. None of my senses were picking up things accurately and I could not fight myself as I had tried and lost.

After what seemed like an eternity, I smelled eggs and heard real loud talking. The smell and the sound were making me nuts and I wanted it to stop so I threw on my robe, opened my door, and headed downstairs and through the door that separated the kitchen from the main part of the house. Yeah I heard the radio voices and smelled the eggs all the way upstairs and through two doors. I must have looked like a beast let out of the cage as my grandfather and his wife looked oddly at me as I screamed for them to stop with the noise and to stop cooking. At this point, I was totally off the wall and looking for relief in any way I could get it. I thought maybe I should go wash my face as it might help me feel better. The cold water was scooped up from the faucet and splashed on my face several times before I looked in the mirror to see the maggots eating my face and my eyes wide and black. Damn I needed to get out...I needed to get out of being me. Everything around me was disturbing and I could not find a second of peace from myself.

Really I must have looked like a deranged animal as my step grams pointed her finger in my face and yelled to my grandpa that I was on drugs. Not for anything, my night was hell and this woman was now all up in my face and my mind was not RIGHT. To say that I wanted to rip her head off and feed it to her, is an understatement. Rage was burning in my veins and those black eyes were staring off in her direction shooting daggers. I suppose she thought better than to stay in my face as she backed off. Maybe it was the glare of my eyes or my heavy breathing and tossed look that scared her. I will never know.

Making it back to my room, and I am not sure how I did it, I managed to get dressed and head back downstairs past the dynamic duo sitting there looking at me with weird looks. Outside I went and hopped on my bike and rode. I did not want to think, see, or do, but these functions were out of my control everything and everything was wacked. I could not even enjoy a cigarette as they tasted like shit. What to do? What to do? I know! I will smoke menthols. I can't say how I looked at that point or how my actions appeared to the sales person behind the counter, but I felt like I was maniacal. At a loss and still hoping for relief, I sat outside the store and had a smoke. Hum. Not bad. First good thing so far other than the skipped words on TV, the cartoons figures, and the cool lights. WOW pleasure again! It was at this point I started to chill out. Sitting there in the sun and smoking was working wonders. Duh...how about a chocolate bar? Yeah. Let me head to another store though. Off I went to get my sweets. Hum...good stuff. It seems like the hell of my night was finally ending, however, even though I started to feel GOOD things again...things that brought some small sort of pleasure, I felt like I had the worst beating of my life. I was drained dead.

All I could remember after that was that sleep was hard to obtain and that my trip lasted for 12 hours.

You may be wondering did she do it again after all this and I would have to say yeah. Most of my trips were bad trips too. Actually, I can't really remember a good one. Some were funny afterthoughts, but the living of it, was not. Shit, 21 years of substance abuse does wear on you. Ergo, here I am! Eat Me!!! ~ 12/2/06 @ 11:22 p.m

NOTE: You know what I love about life, truth is STRANGER than fiction. Welcome to my nightmare...some of it. I got tons more.