My Dearest ****~
Words contain a great deal of power. Embedded are these were yours. Tis of the three that thou hast stated that saddens me so. The drug induced fog blunted the words so that the sharp content did not hit just then. But lo today those words screamed in mine ears so loudly I thought I would go deaf.
Had I not pursued you, I would have been the EXACT words you uttered.
With all my love~
Arachne
When you called and we spoke the other day, you stated that a potato or potatoes are “one week flings.” Today those words came and bit me in the ass. Had my love for you not pursued you, I too would have been a “one week fling.” It is of my nature of explore values as it had been almost a year ago. Perhaps my value has gone up by some degree or I have become a one year fling. Now you know why I questioned the value of “lover” and its definition.
Pappy and Peaches words came back to bite me. Peter Pappy said I was “sport fucked” and Peter Peaches said something to the effect of me being your “fling.” My male friend’s words hurt me, but they told what they saw from a man’s perspective. Odd that you should call your S***wood lovers (potatoes) “flings.” Where lies the value of fruitless sex? Is any love gained or is it just immediate pleasure and a feeding of ego? Again I question what is a lover? What am I to you?
DISCUSSIONS WITH PAPPY
Thank goodness I never stabbed the sucker as good friends are hard to come by. A good friend will sure as shit open your eyes to truth and he is a good friend. Oh yeah it is set in stone and rubber stamped that we will only be friends for life. My knife makes sure of that.
Yesterday he was being the man with the hatpin busting my bubble, but I realized today that he was right. When he called me earlier today, I told him that he was right. His sorry ass could not believe that I took his words to heart, but hell, right is right. His words rang in my ear: SPORT et cetera! I kind of thought so and I should have known better. I am going to bend his damned hatpin! Why did I have to listen to him?
Granted he is sorry he busted my bubble and he did try to patch what he said yesterday, but fuggheadaboudit as the words were already spilled and I had somewhat drawn the same conclusion. All in all he deserves a good slap on the back of the head and a hug.
I wonder if he said that shit on purpose yesterday knowing it would get to me at some point. Nah. He was too "REALLY?" today. Well now that he has me all bummed out, he is going to come see me tomorrow. Whoot whoot. Is he looking for the face of doom and gloom?
I shall curse him again by stating his book will not be finished until his death occurs and thus he will not reap the benefits of it all. He hates when I say that! One good round deserves another. What are friends for? ~ Arachne ~ August 9, 2008 @ 7:03 p.m. EST
LOVER: Word & Logic By Definition Program
I am rusty in my application of basic programming.
DEFINITION: or >conjunction 1 used to link alternatives
Program:
100 IF 200 is separated by "or" then 400 is not the same as 500 by definition.
200 DATA “lover = a person having a sexual or romantic relationship with another.”
300 IF 400 and 500 differ GOTO 900
.
400 DATA “sexual: relating to the instincts and activities connected with physical attraction or intimate physical contact between individuals.”
500 DATA “romantic: inclined towards or suggestive of love or romance.”
600 DATA “relationship: an emotional and sexual association between two people.”
700 DATA “emotional: 1 relating to the emotions. 2 arousing or showing emotion. 3 easily affected by or readily displaying emotion.”
750 DATA “mate = the sexual partner of an animal.”
760 DATA “animal = 1 a living organism which feeds on organic matter, has specialized sense organs and nervous system, and is able to move about and to respond rapidly to stimuli. 2 a mammal, as opposed to a bird, reptile, fish, or insect.
800 DATA “partner: either of two people doing something as a couple or pair.”
900 DATA “fling: 1 a short period of enjoyment or wild behavior. 2 a short sexual relationship.”
901 Y = YES
902 N = NO
910 LINE INPUT “enter Y or N”
920 IF “Y” GOTO
930 IF “N” GOTO
940
950
960 ~ Maggie 9/11/08
NEVER POSTED
Stirring the pot of cutout nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, et al, I am left to ponder riddles of the what to do if in fact I should do anything. A name had been given by another which bears no merit in my eyes, yet the subject matter does. What is in a name? Value! Me likes not the name as it is viewed as invalid on this side of the coin. It is as if dead. Where lies the individuality of the label? There is none. Tis just another vegetable. Once eaten or rotted, it will be discarded as waste through a bowel movement or will be used as fertilizer for soil. Back to the matter...
What is the matter? Decisions. Decisions. Decisions! Even not choosing to decide is a decision by default. However, why lay claim to the words? Nay! Let it be on another even if the time comes for sock puppets to place the words to form agreement. Be they words in question form to yes or no. Will it come to that? IF I choose to let it all slide–leave things as they are, will the end still be the same? What do I see for the future? I see three possibilities...
#3 - Leaving things as they are will eventually result in #1 as a drift will occur
#2 - Two people coming together and making a go of it which leaves many possibilities open
#1 - Dissolution
What value do I see in him? I see freedom, understanding, acceptance, pleasure, adventure, kindness, honesty to a degree, but not quite full, playfulness, affection, sharing, caring, art, learning, teaching, and the gaining of new experiences.
On the down side or perhaps it has yet to be discovered is his value of me. I cannot quite quantify or even qualify it nor does he speak of it in good form. However, if I had to guess, I would say it does in fact exist, but the level is marked the same as the other insignificant others. There is no special nature.
To create in solid form that what I wish would give it life. However, I shall not make the creation, but will question it to self as I have and laid the foundation of the possibility within self as to the commencement of the act. Alas, all I can do is view my first writ with merit of the invitation. I am a planner and a doer. Shall we go ahead?
Ah hell! To bother with the physical in all its shallow nature. Held in prison form. Free–like wind upon water rippling waves, wondering leaves–leaves hair flying back–back to see all things at one time from a standpoint of an observer of a macrocosm. ~ Arachne ~ November 4, 2008
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