The number that appeared on the telephone display seemed familiar so she answered the phone. Pleasantries were exchanged in formal fashion yet an air of the familiar was upon them both.
Perhaps it was the tone of her voice that gave away the difference of her nature. She was more relaxed than he had ever known her to be. “You do not seem as violent” he stated. “You know the sub controls everything” she returned. “Yes I do” he replied.
Her back to him, she glanced out into the distance listening to his words of hurt and understanding them so clearly. She understood his professed love for a woman who did not love him as he loved her and how the financial freedom he gained in fact did not bring him happiness. Had she not told him this in the past? Yes she had. His acknowledgment came through a whimpering voice which made it all the more clear. “Give it away” she stated heartily. Turning as if to acknowledge a wounded child after losing a battle for a toy she stated “Darling, it is a matter of free will. If you love as you state you do, then accept things as they are. If you love and can let go, that would work as well for if loved in return, she will return to you.”
Having the same sentiments within her own heart, the words acted like a mirror–a mirror that reflected past events and events yet to come. “A New Year brings new things” she said openly to herself, but yet also to him.
“Do you think we should give it until after New Year’s to make resolutions?” he said in a solemn voice. “You may do as you wish. As for me, I will see where my road leads me.” Within she knew she had thought about a farewell to the supposed relationship, but she had also thought about not saying farewell at all. “Free will” she whispered to herself thereby acknowledging her own responsibility to the matter.
“How can you put up with that? You deserve more than that!” he stated with emphasis. “Look,” she stated sharply “he has been honest with me from the start. How could I in good conscience discard him for who he is? If that is his way and it does not interfere with what is why should I not be accepting?”
True to herself she did speak. Not once had she though negatively about him or any of his qualities. “The situation you are in is that you love and are not loved in return. Correct?” He nodded his head in agreement. “Well then” she continued, “you stay and tolerate–why?”
“I just want to be loved.”
“Don’t we all? However, we cannot demand love. Well actually we can, but it won’t be had.”
“Why is it so hard to be loved?”
“It is not that it is hard to be loved. Heck, look back on your own life as I have looked back on mine and see those who loved you, but whom you did not love in return. Then think if you had the balls to tell them in plain English. Frankly, I think most are afraid to state their feelings one way or the other. You know me. Hell, I told you right off the bat that I did not love you.” ~ Maggie ~ Penned prior to 3:00 p.m. EST sometime in 2008
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