There is joy in knowing someone and having loved them and still love them. However, sadness of circumstances weigh along with the joy and create an equilibrium. At the moment, the equilibrium feels like a numbing sensation. I am happy for what was, what is, and what will be regardless of what is and what will be, but at the same time there is a sad lost kind of feeling.
There are reasons why we feel both ends of the spectrum...APPRECIATION! Imagine life without roller coasters? The ride would be flat and uneventful and perhaps not worthy of writing about.
My heart so wants to be poetic and dribble out all that lies within, but for some reason I feel I have to be strong for the moment. Granted I did predict what would be and I did lose my head and pick it up on the way out as I stated that I would. I did set the odds at 98.99% and I am usually not wrong. Why do I predict such things? I base my predictions on the laws of probability and observation. Listening helps too. Clear pictures can be drawn with the greatest of ease utilizing every shade of every color known. Also, experience teaches wisely.
I asked myself why did I act as so to create thus. Well, it is based on feelings even when the writing on the wall is bright and the knowledge is there. I follow my heart, but know full well with my head. What are heads for if for not lopping off?
Granted this is not really what I want to say, but right now I can’t say what I wish as I am too busy beating myself. When I have beaten myself well enough, I’ll stop and thank myself for the experience as it was worth every second.
Perhaps now I will shed my tears...the soldier has fallen. ~ Maggie ~ 9/2/08 @ 7:02 p.m. EST
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