I did not with full realization know that killing something within could be done with such ease. Hum. What would have affected me one way yesterday does not do so today. To say that feelings changed in an overall fashion would be a self-illusion, however, I received my freedom of mind that I self-imposed by removing via virtual scalpel the cancer within self. Odd is how it happens. Me thought that perhaps it would linger longer and sting greater, but it doesn't. I have programmed self well. In my own words, burn to learn. It could be that I play upon the old reliance system which by now runs as a program in the background.. A closer inspections needs to be had if I want understanding of the matter. The question is why question something if it bothers you not? I look at the moment and I am content.
Has my heart flown out the window? Nah! However, I have peace and two wide open eyes. I have acceptance, love, friendship, tolerance, and I am guided by my "reason." *scratches head to make sure head is still there. What will be will be. I shall not shed a tear. Joy will be had from memories of what was and what is. Be it me to question, poke, prod, only to say "don't answer" as that is how I am. Why? I really don't want to know, BUT I DO! I want to hear TRUTH. Is that so bad? I enjoy truth and would rather hear it with long luscious ass kicking words that might tear someone else up, but with me, truth sets the ground and stabilizes it.
Wishes make for wonderful things, but magick cannot be used AGAINST another lest it be black and venomous. The "wish process" (not to be mistaken for wishes) should not be entered into as it is consuming and hurts another to the point of blood. I offer up my brother and another as prime examples. The wish was for one to split his head open and the other for lower regions to be dysfunctional. Hearing the voice on the phone from his (Tommy) Hicks Street apartment saying that an ambulance is on the way was amusing at the time. Imagine falling on a parking meter and rupturing your liver? Oh my! Poor darling in Beekman Hospital ever so foul! You may be questioning how one would fall on a parking meter...shit happens and then you die, but he did not...die that is. It was interesting to witness his bandaged self enter in on Atlantic Avenue kind of bent over as I pasted Budwiser labels to wall on the side of the pinball machine as Marie watched with an ever watchful eye. However, these two examples rested on hatred pure and simple. I shall never venture the hatred highway again as the taste is bitter. My heart no longer harbors hatred of anyone or anything. I am free of that and the black.
Doors are always open provided violations have not occurred. Then again, one would have to look at the grand scope of the friendship and its foundation. What factors bear merit? How much of an illusory feat was performed? How much time is vested? Is it worth the rot? Perhaps not! It likens me not to be villainous. Tis far greater to love! Smiles are had and warmth is felt. Yes I love my friends.
Even to those I am cold upon now, I bear no ill will as love it the foundation now and forever more. My kin is my skin and I their's. What harm that comes their way shall not be of my doing but of their own. I still have kept my silence and the silence will remain golden as the gold (goal) is the PEACE.
LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION OF PEACE and PEACE IS THE FOUNDATION OF LOVE. If one cannot love, at least respect as that too is a foundation of love. My verbose self now ends. ~ Maggie ~ September 9, 2008 @ 10:17 p.m. EST
LISTENING TO: THIS WAS MY LIFE
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